John 3:16-21

“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.”
Psalm 34:17

We were already anxious new parents when Stephanie and I had to bring our newborn Ella to the Children’s Hospital. I had just watched this tiny human experience what looked like a small seizure. She was admitted right away and a team of physicians and other medical professionals immediately began examining her. Over the next few days, Ella’s tiny body was subjected to series of tests and procedures that frankly looked like callous torture to us. Such dread blanketed our time with her in the hospital. There were moments when it was hard to breathe and think straight as I watched them bend and puncture our helpless little daughter who was crying and gasping in pain and confusion. Stephanie and I understood but we still felt both helpless and angry. The feelings were so consuming, there were moments when I lashed out and hostilely questioned our attending physician whether what they were doing was actually necessary.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” John 3:16-17

When I think about God’s willingness in giving us Jesus, I pull up these visceral feelings of protectiveness and dread in watching my child suffer. It is hard to fully grasp the perfection in God’s love necessary for him to give his only Son over to a world he knew would both torture and kill him. I feel something close to revulsion that this was needed from anyone’s child, let alone God’s only Son. However, when I consider God did so only because he also loved us as his children and he wants life for us, then the feelings make a little more sense. He too is protective of us and wants to spare us, also his children, from suffering and death. And, so Jesus. This is something I sit with when I am uncertain or ashamed. Seeing his overriding love from this perspective comforts me. I know this feeling, relate to it, and trust it. It is protective and not condemning. Even in all my limited ways, I am capable of imperfect protectiveness for my daughter driven by love. God then, in his unlimited ways, sent his Son to suffer and to die in order to unconditionally protect and spare me. The sacrifice was born of perfect love and I am so thankful.