Psalm 123

“Have mercy upon us, O Lord, have mercy upon us, for we have had more than enough of contempt.”
Psalm 123:3

Normally, when reading Psalms speaking of Israel’s distress and the contempt of the proud, it’s from an external source. It’s the Egyptians or Babylonians afflicting the Jewish people, and the Psalmist asking for God’s protection and mercy. However, while reflecting on this passage, I was reminded of my own self-contempt. For a majority of my life, I have suffered under the specter of depression and low self esteem. This internal dialogue consistently tells me that I am not good enough; that I am unloved and, more devastatingly, am unlovable. My eyes and heart are regularly searching for others who might accept me, who might extend love and grace towards me.

“To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens!  As the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, until he has mercy upon us.” Psalm 123:1-2

While in the depths of self-hatred, my natural inclination is to look around the earth for acceptance; to depend on my relationships, status, and talents to provide meaning and worth. However, the Psalmist prompts me to lift my eyes up to the Lord for relief from my suffering. I am reminded that, like the servant and maid, I am completely dependent on God for all things. This dependence includes my need for relief from my self-contempt. We hear the phrase “we have had more than enough,” indicating that we’ve reached our limit and need relief. God sees and knows my limits, not with judgment or condemnation, but with mercy and love. When my own limitations cause me to despair, it is an invitation to look towards God for consolation.
 
Provide us, Lord, with the comfort of your nearness, remind us of your Love for us, as we wait and hope for relief from our afflictions. Selah.